ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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