he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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