just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
