i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
