are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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