As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
