I think I died a long time ago.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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