i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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