I CAN MOONWALK!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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