Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
