So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
