Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just pee around me
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
