i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
