they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
