You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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