I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
