For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
