Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
