Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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