This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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