Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
