and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
