I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
