Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
