this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
