i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
