one might say we're banned from that church
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
