I wish i was in the wii world.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
