You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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