pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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