Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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