At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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