how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
