just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
