Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
