God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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