i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
