i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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