I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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