i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I need water and some morals
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
