at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
