u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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