Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
