Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
