They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
