were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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