She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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