So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
it hurts more in the daytime
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
