That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
