if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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