i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize