so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
look no pants
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
