I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
wow bdsm is so cute
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
