Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
