The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize