I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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