please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
