nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
