I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
