so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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