I showed him my bush... on skype.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
