32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize