he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
did i just pee glitter
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
