your room smells of hookers.
And success
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I will pee on everything he values.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Randomize
