he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
