aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
