i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
